Tag Archive | depression

My struggle

I am really struggling today – it feels like a weight is around my chest and I am dragging a boulder!  All I want to do is sleep – stay in bed and hide from the world!  Depression’s hold and force is stronger today than me but I am pushing through this day one foot in front of the  other!!  My kryptonite is this miserable and gloomy day when all I see are dark clouds and no sun!!

I could not even concentrate on writing today – my brain felt too heavy and my thinking felt foggy!! Nothing seemed to make sense or flow properly today – I could not hear the Muse speaking to me.

The Truth Version 2

 

untitled

 

 

I cannot run from this anymore

Openly I lay my cards out

Who am I?

I do not know

I struggle daily to learn about

What I enjoy?

Truthfully I do not know

My interests fade in and out

What I long for?

I yearn to find my way

Through this rocky water

No more high prices to have to pay

What I know?

This struggle never seems to end

My world is chaotic and unstable

I can never find the words I need to say

Am I worth knowing?

My answer is unclear

I have let people down frequently

The truth of the matter?

I am a broke vase barely pieced together

I am struggling to stay out of the quick sand

Can I handle this journey I am on?

Uncertain I am of my fate

I don’t want to drag those down with me who offer a hand

Only way I know how to cope?

I shut myself off from outside world – always have

Easier to turn off than deal as the pain and hatred

I have for myself is to too raw and too real

How I hide behind the pain?

Working lots and refusing to sit still

Tasks and addictions become my escape

I imagine myself in a better place

Far above the clouds I would soar

Why I end this poem now?

Out of words I have become!!

 

 

 

 

imagesCAVYSQ5J

The Truth

Who am I?

I do not know

I struggle daily to learn about

What I enjoy?

Truthfully I do not know

My interests fade in and out

What I long for?

I yearn to find my way

Through this rocky water

No more high prices to have to pay

What I know?

This struggle never seems to end

My world is chaotic and unstable

I can never find the words I need to say

Am I worth knowing?

My answer is unclear

I have let people down frequently

The truth of the matter?

I am a broke vase barely pieced together

I am struggling to stay out of the quick sand

Can I handle this journey I am on?

Uncertain I am of my fate

I don’t want to drag those down with me who offer a hand

Only way I know how to cope?

I shut myself off from outside world – always have

Easier to turn off than deal as the pain and hatred

I have for myself is to too raw and too real

How I hide behind the pain?

Working lots and refusing to sit still

Tasks and addictions become my escape

I imagine myself in a better place

Far above the clouds I would soar

Why I end this poem now?

Out of words I have become

I cannot deal openly with this anymore!!!

 

 

The Woman I Am Now Vs. Who I Was Before

 Always questioning how I feel

Acting like my answers are not true

Pretending I need them even though not real

My truth is not good enough it seems to be

Why ask I question if you won’t believe?

You cannot judge you don’t know the real me!

Finally found my way back to my true normal self

If you don’t like the person I am now

I can distance myself without regret I know how

Before you utter “you seem off” so casually

Take a moment to understand that I am who I am suppose to be

Gone is the sad girl struggling to stay afloat

Pretending to be happy was difficulty, you see

I have learned to embrace the woman I have become

Letting go of the negativity and aspects that brought me down

Losing all the pain that drained me of enjoyment and fun

Please take the time to understand what I need you to hear

Accept who I am and listen to my truth I speak

Without this our friendship is toxic to both of us

I am strong enough to move on my own

I will walk away to save myself – I will not fear

 

 

 

 

Pleas from a Psych Ward

untitled

Secluded in this cold and lonely room

My happiness erased – all that is left is gloom

Nothing I can do except pace the floor

I don’t want to be sick and feel this way anymore

So confused and lost – nothing around me seems real

How am I suppose to control how or what I feel?

Doctors in and out poking and prodding me

Why can’t they just let me be?

Everyone I see has a look of despair in their eyes

Feeling hopeless is something I despise!

Life is supposed to be an adventure full of joy

It seems like a crazy game and I am just a toy!

Screaming voices inside me full of rage, anguish and hate

How can this be my life?

Should I resign to fate?

I am not sure of what happened – what did I do?

How I wish my pain and suffering would be through!!