Maneuvering The Journey

Today I start my life anew
Learning from the past
Gathering knowledge
From all I have been through

Release myself from my chains
No longer bound in the depths
Despair will no longer control me
I can see clearly what I have to gain

My feet are planted on the ground
The winds of time may blow strong
I will stand strong with no fear
I know people who care will be around

Taken deep breaths I walk proud again
Secure in the power of my own heart
A journey I must take to further myself
Truth and honesty my solid friends

I know I may stumble and may often fall
I will not quit and will not cry
Hardships will be there but i will succeed
The lesson is in the journey after all

Each small step i take now
I will let my heart guide me
My soul will grow strong
I can maneuver the obstacles
I have learned how

Goals and rewards

I am trying to think of a reward for an incentive to reward myself for paying off two credit cards and cancelling them too!!

Also trying to set date for reward – should i wait till sears card is down lower or do it just for other two cards only!!

Ideas i came up with:
Getting nails done
Going jewellery shopping
Going clothes shopping
Going craft supply shopping

Can anyone think of other ideas?

My confession

The other day I had to admit to myself and my husband that my shopping habit is an addiction!!

It was extremely hard to do and took a lot out of me because I have been hiding from it for a long time and pretending I had everything under control!!

I haven’t been able to admit the amount of debt that I have acquired and I need to handle it on my own!! I need to turn something positive out of something negative!!

There is a part of me that is afraid of the look of “disappointment” from my husband and feeling “broken” from his attitude toward me after he finds out!!
I occurred this debt through addiction and mental health issues and I have to face my demons head on ALONE!!

I have committed to sacrificing luxury items and put all i have into bill payments and paying debt off – no matter how long it takes me!!

I am currently looking to get additional jobs to pay off debts!!

Stay tuned for more….

My Addictions

They call to me secretly
Hold me in their spell
Every time I try to ignore
They grab a hold of me

Urges too strong to fight off
My weakness gives in
I hide my actions with shame
Even though I know lying is a sin

They wouldn’t understand why
I would be labelled for sure
Treated like I was broken
Cast aside and forgotten
Oh how this roller coaster makes me cry

It is not like I don’t try to keep the demons at bay
But I am not always strong enough to win the battle
My life itself is like living among land-mines
I never know what will happen emotionally day by day

To actually voice the words “I have an addiction”
Make me want to run and hide
The stigma of this disease leaves a cost I can’t afford to pay
My need for secrecy is based on my pride