I am finding myself compelled to write about the struggles of dealing with depression and trying to keep motivated and focused on living my bliss and keeping creative juices flowing even when the Muses cannot be heard.
Lately I have been “pushing through” and “going through the motions ” with my writing as I am having a hard time connecting to my work due to the pitfalls of my depression. This to me is the hardest thing because if I cannot feel that I am connecting to my readers, I question whether or not I am conveying the message that I am meaning to and if I am even making sense to anyone.
I am struggling to and even write and focus all my energy on this blog article, but I am going to write it in stages and publish once I am confident about the clarity.
I guess it is best to describe to everyone how depression affects me as there are so many layers to depression and the symptoms are like snowflakes no two people experience it the same. The worst part of the depressive moods is that sometimes there are no triggers and it just comes over me like a giant wave. My symptoms sometimes vary as well, they can range from (a) lack of energy,(2) difficulty staying motivated, (3) inability to concentrate, (4) overly critical of myself,(5) overwhelming fatigue, (6) lack of interest in things I once enjoyed,(7) lack of interest in getting out of bed and (8) disconnection and umresponsiveness.
Trying to balance my life when I feel I am walking a tightrope over a darkened pit can be very tiring and draining, but I have thankfully learned to recognize triggers. It doesn’t mean that the low days don’t happen but just that I have the tools to slowly climb back up to what I now call my “new normal”. It is when I stop attempting to climb that this “dark entity” of depression wins over me.
Depression can sometimes scare away my Muse as it is afraid to speak of only sadness because I may get stuck in the pit or be too overwhelmed by it all. I try to somehow keep positive amongst this and find some small outlet of creativity so I don’t feel unproductive and like I am adrift.
The tools I use (feel free to try) may not work for all but I hope it offers a small inkling of hope to those who feel lost!
2. Reading my favourite poets and writers
3. Drawing (doesn’t have to be pretty or good – it’s for your eyes only)
4. Do a checklist of small tasks
5. Drink something that is soothing for ypu
6. Emerse yourself in nature or outdoors
7. Go to your favourite room in house and take in silence