Archive | June 23, 2013

Cup of Gratitude Tea




I want to apologize for my earlier rant – I honesty try to usually see the good in people but

it can be difficult when the bad in them hits you upside the face.  It is especially hard to

overcome that when one of the triggers of my anxiety disorder and depression is feeling

judged and ridiculed.   I am not sure why I am sharing this information, but something struck

a cord in me and said “share this story”.  Hopefully, in some small way it helps someone.

I looked through the posts in my reader about poems about depression and people dealing

with mental illnesses and I get such a feeling of connection with everyone who is trying to

“slay this dragon” on top of fighting the sting of stigma from society.

I hope that my stories, poems etc.. help others realize that they are not alone and that

sometimes even a caring stranger can lend an ear.

I want to end this night on a semi=positive note, so I will first say I took a very big step and emailed the person in charge of group and let him know how I felt and declined interest in group.  Which I did not do for a response, just to get it off my plate and off my mind – some may say it was on my plate because I wanted it to be there but seriously the baggage is not wanted and not welcome. Believe me, I have enough of my own.  I was very proud of myself for how I wrote it and was honest and somewhat diplomatic about it..

But to end of a note of gratituade – here is my cup of gratitude tea

1. A very loving and supportive husband

2. My own inner strength to find my voice

3. My creative muse and angels

4. Divine guidance and support

5. The ability to once again feel happy and excited about aspects of life

6. My dog Shadow – although he is goofy  – he is my fur baby (8 years old)

7. Smell of fresh rain on clean grass

8. Moments with my client (83 years old) – I learn more than I can say from her

9. Opportunities that present themselves to me

10. Peace of mind and acceptance for what I cannot change (a work in progress but still workable)

11. All my fans, friends and followers on this blog – THANK YOU…

12. Friends, family and people who make a single appearance

13, Waking up every morning with a chance to start over again.





Love letter

I write this letter for my true love
In hopes to express how I feel
In your arms I know I am safe
Your eyes show me a future of joy
Your kiss sends sparks up my spine
Being bodily entangled with you is devine

Where you go is where I want to be
Your love and support has set the caged bird free

Thank you for all that you do
Without you by my side
I could not make it through

“All Welcome Does Not Mean Welcoming Atmosphere”

I would like to take this time to apologize for my absence – I had a very off couple of days emotionally as well as physical pain with knee was almost unbearable! I did not want to write from a dark mind and clouded thoughts, so I took a few days break from writing world.

BTIt all started when I decided I was going to expand my circle and join a club or something. So,I decided to attend a Science Timmins Astronomy Club and step outside my comfort zone.
My anxiety was already off because it was a small room with lots of people, but I decided that i was going to try and stay as long as possible.
It only got worse from there because the group was very cliquey and to top of it off people who were suppose to be mature as they were at least in their 50’s would cast dirty looks my way and snicker, This shook me as it took a lot out of me to go in first place and to ne treated like I was back in high school again made me feel demeaned and judged!! I literally had to talk myself through it – I am grateful I went with a friend too!!
They say “Open Group All Welcome” but they sure as hell do not act that way!!
That anxiety attack left me feeling drained for 2 days and I have had then under control for a year!!

To be continued..,

The anxiety attack really shook me as I generally have my triggers in control and manageable.
I was floored at how inconsiderate and rude people can be!!

To those who are lucky not to have anxiety issues, an attack feels like this:
• heart palpitations
• room spins
• racing thoughts
• dizziness
• walls feel like they are closing in
• chest hurts

At least those are my symptoms!!!