12 Feb 2013 28 Comments
12 Feb 2013 21 Comments
Drawn to the building standing so tall
What are the secrets hidden away after all
What is the voice that beckons to me now
So curious to find out somehow
Through the doors I enter with curiosity
Wondering what stories will unfold in front of me
Drawn to the area I take my seat at the table quietly
Searching through articles and sites to see what I stumble upon
My worries have escaped me, my frustrations gone
My hands type the words freely with ease
The knowledge I am gaining make me feel pleased
Time escapes me and suddenly I am told “5 minutes to go”
Carefully I pack my work again and tuck away the knowledge I now know
11 Feb 2013 11 Comments
To my dear best friend
I write this letter to let
You know how I cherish
Your friendship, even though I don’t
You have truly changed my life
Where darkness and shadows
Once resided solemnly
A light now brightly shines
Gone is the loneliness within
My sad,empty soul
You’ve helped me heal
A wounded heart
In my life you’ll always
Play an important part
From here on out I vow
To show my gratitude sincere
Please know that on my friendship
You can always depend
As long as you need me true
I will always be here for you
11 Feb 2013 11 Comments
To whom it may concern
It has been my lifelong dream to see
Everyone reading poetry written lovingly by me
To whom it may concern
I have always been to shy
Afraid of the judgments
I am not quiet sure as to why
To whom it may concern
My dear best friend encouraged me
Placed vision in my head of how great things can be
To whom it may concern
The words pour out from my very soul
Sometimes so intensely my emotions pay the toll
To whom it may concern
Here I am shakily steeping out of my comfort zone now
I am going to try to be brave, some way some how
To whom It may Concern
Heart it is a racing as I stand here
Can you sense my fear?
To whom it may concern
Please read my poems with care
Feel free to comment, I just ask you be fair
To whom it may concern
I will leave you now to think
I always find that poetry goes best with a hot and frothy drink
To whom it may concern
Just one more thing to say
Thank you for your time on this wonderful day
Now just a magicians trick
I will just fade away.
05 Feb 2013 4 Comments
Raptured by war
Clawed and torn apart
Death a familiar foe
Ashes instead of homes
Stranded – some escape
Not all make it alive
Woman and children
Captured for slavery
Obey or die!
Tortured and raped
Half Beaten to Death!
Silence or Consequence
Cries and screams
No one hears their silent pleas!
Unknown faces no one sees
Stories untold and forgotten
Precious and troubled souls
Endangered by our ignorance
05 Feb 2013 6 Comments
Secluded in this cold and lonely room
My happiness erased – all that is left is gloom
Nothing I can do except pace the floor
I don’t want to be sick and feel this way anymore
So confused and lost – nothing around me seems real
How am I suppose to control how or what I feel?
Doctors in and out poking and prodding me
Why can’t they just let me be?
Everyone I see has a look of despair in their eyes
Feeling hopeless is something I despise!
Life is supposed to be an adventure full of joy
It seems like a crazy game and I am just a toy!
Screaming voices inside me full of rage, anguish and hate
How can this be my life?
Should I resign to fate?
I am not sure of what happened – what did I do?
How I wish my pain and suffering would be through!!
30 Jan 2013 8 Comments
Genuinely gentle and loving soul
Her mere presence could grab at your heart and take control
Youthful spirit, full of energy and light
Just watching could make you laugh, turn dark days bright
Proud you would be to be considered her friend
On her loyalty you could truly depend
Sharing her love with each person she met
Not a single soul who saw her did fret
A secret message she sent to all
“Your life forever changed it will be
Just take the time and come play with me!”
This precious soul left us one, sad fateful day
Leaving us all speechless, at lost for the words to say
Our hearts now contain a hollow voice – its true
Some of us still wonder how we made it through
Never a day goes by she is not on my mind
I know one day we will meet again – a different place and time
30 Jan 2013 4 Comments
When I think I am strong enough to carry on
Something happens to prove me horribly wrong
Each time I try, defeat grabs a hold
Always slipping, I can not get in control
Any step I take, I stumble aimless around
Ending up face first bleeding on the ground
Reaching out for something to grasp onto
My hands are too slippery, the life lines fall through
Yearning for peace and inner strength now
Wanting for the craziness to end somehow
Sanity abandoned me so long ago
Normalcy is not a feeling I know
Outwardly you may see a smile
But inside I am drowning all the while
Unless you know me you’ll never see
The emotional wounds that follow me
Life has been a roller coaster so out of control
Leaving me nothing but I cold, worn and battered soul
21 Jan 2013 Leave a comment
Once bound by chains so heavy and tight
Struggling to move and to breathe day and night
So tired, weak and weary from the dreadful fight
Lonely and hollow, felt so alone
My world seemed so dark, empty and cold
No place I had been ever felt like home
Past wounds of all kinds wounded my soul
So terrified of feeling, afraid to trust again
Unable to relinquish the need for control
Tired of this rollercoaster that became my life
Pleading to get off the craziness, wishing it would stop for once
Needing an end to all this pain, darkness and strife
One day I got on my knees and cried for help
At the end of my rope, I made a plea
“Whoever is listening, please help me”
Out of the silence, I heard a voice call to me
“Stand up, my dear you’ll be alright.”
Wiping my tears I looked around to see
No one was in sight – how can this be?
A feeling of comfort swept over me
From that day on, I vowed to start anew
Knowing inside I had what it takes to make it through.
20 Jan 2013 2 Comments
Secretly stalked me year after year
Lurking amongst the darkness and shadows
Haunted my dreams night after night
Robbed my soul of the precious gift of light
Stole my dreams and torn apart all my hope
Ripped my heart out and left it to die
Watched me suffer as I begged and cried
Struck me out of the blue that cold, dark day
I could not fight you off – your message was clear
Although you were silent and did not have anything to say
Turned my world inside out and upside down
Shattered pieces of who I was tossed on the ground
Alone, I struggled to find the strength to carry on
Emptiness was all I had left – everything else was gone
Every step I took forward seemed pointless and long
Day after day, I cried and I prayed
“Please God; help me end this pain today”
Did not think I could make it through each day
But here I am stand fighting this battle my own way
I may not always beat you, but I know I can survive
Day by day, I watch for your presence to be known
I will not let you sneak up again – I will not be thrown
A rollercoaster is what my life has become today
But I am prepared for the highs and lows
I will survive this crazy, neurotic ride – someway
My eyes are open now – I know the chaos you create
I will not sink to your level – I chose not to hate
This journey through hell has a lesson to be learned
Amongst the rubble there are treasures hidden within
I will speak out and have my voice be heard loud and clear
Help others find their way out and no there is nothing to fear
I will stand up and let my secret out – no longer a whisper, it is now a shout
No longer afraid of the stigma – I am here to finally speak the truth
Whether you hear my true message is completely up to you
My name is Melonie and I need to finally say
“I struggle with mental illness – I have always been this way”
For all my peers who fight this fight, know you are never alone
26 Feb 2014 1 Comment
Working with the elderly, you learn to appreciate the things we take for granted. You also discover the most beautiful things that can bring a warmth to your soul and become imprinted on your heart.
In my experience, the saddest and scariest thing about aging is Alzheimer’s Disease. Working with these beautiful souls is one of my greatest pleasures and saddest moments as well as it is where I have learned the most and experienced beautiful moments.
There is one beautiful moment that stands out for me and that is when music transformed a silent, withdrawn and confused woman into a singing and responsive individual. The lovely lady I am talking about has had a severe stroke and has dementia and is in a long term care facility. In her past, she danced ballet in Europe and sang Opera in England but has not sang since her stroke.
I had bought a Side Walk Prophets CD and played for her and she began to attempt to sing along with the music, even attempting to change notes and levels while singing. This was amazing to watch her do and it was a beautiful sound.
Another awe inspiring moment was hearing this wonderful woman attempt to practice Operatic singing with and without music playing, even though it was sadly off key and words made no logical sense it was the most beautiful song.
Every day since then, she will sing her song to me and share her love of music with me while listening and aiming to any music we hear. It is heart warming as you can see parts of the Opera singer coming out of her and watch a smile form on her face when you ask “are you singing?”
I encourage everyone to spend a day with an elderly person because it will change your life for the better and you will never be the same. Our elderly are the greatest teachers and bravest warriors as they have survived so many trials and tribulations in their lifetime.
Take a moment, share your time, open your mind and listen not just with your eyes but with your heart.
24 Feb 2014 1 Comment
I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who is following my blog and who has perused and liked my posts!!
Over 500 follows – I am so touched!!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart !!!!
23 Feb 2014 Leave a comment
18 Feb 2014 Leave a comment
Night has reared it shady head
My mind begins to unwind
Aching muscles remind me the prices I paid along this journey
No strength I have left to carry the weight of its toll – I feel like the walking dead
Eyes burn from visions flashing all around
Fog blinds the way along my true path
Yearning for peace I clasp my hands as one
Upon my knees, I speak to God to help calm my restless soul
With unrelenting tears, I say once more out loud
“Father, if you can hear me as I kneel before you now
My body is so weary, but the rest I need will not come somehow
My thoughts keep racing faster that the seconds on a clock
The unanswered riddles run through my brain – I cannot block
I reach out to you with a shaky plea, please allow your Angels to sing their glorious music and softly soothe and rock me to a calm and restful sleep
Father, I am weary and worn down to the threads
Help me silence the voices and memories in my head.
Clear my mind of misdeeds that trouble me
Let tonight be a night where my spirit is free
All I ask is for one night of rest
Peace within my soul
Help me rebuild the pieces left scattered
So I can be strong enough to answer your calling”
When all the tears have run dry
I catch my breath and sit awhile
Ready to try again – inviting In nights calm
Believing that tonight will be it
My faith in Him brings me to smile
I know He only gives me what I am strong enough to live
So I choose to look at it like a lesson and gift he gives
A mission he must have me on to solve all the unknown
“At least “I chuckle to myself “I can work for him
17 Feb 2014 1 Comment
Have you been hit with a question that seemed to stop you in your tracks? Not because the answer eluded you but because the mere thought of what was purposed seemed to take a hold
of your mind?
Lately, I have seemed to be fixated on the thought of what my legacy to the earth and my family would be once I was no longer on this earthly realm. The question “what will others say about me when I am no longer here” or “what message will I have portrayed to those who knew me?” popped into my head a few weeks back at the most unusual time.
It all started when I was tidying up my bookshelf and organizing my craft room. I was sorting books and reminiscing about books I have read and started laughing to myself “what would the world be like if we judged each other by what we read?”
Can you imagine how confused and puzzled the world would act? Labels would have to be refined and almost tossed aside!
Think of this scenario – guys who acted macho reading harlequin books in free time! What would your mind process the information as? Could he still be macho manly man with a harlequin book in his hand?
Have you ever tried to look at someone on the street and ponder what kind of books they read? Ok, confession time I have as I love to watch people (not in creepy way) and try to incorporate what I see into my writing.
Imagine how the world would be defined if each of our perceptions of each other was based on what “great read” we held in out hand. Consider how risqué someone would be perceived as if they were reading books banned by society? Would be judge their values by what we see them read?
Suddenly I realize I have been babbling and probably not getting my point across, so I apologize!
As I was looking at the array of books I have in my arsenal, I stopped and questioned what people would perceive me as. Would future generations be confused by the vast topics I read and unable to form an opinion? Or would I be perceived as the confused one?
What do you think the world would perceive you as if they can only judge by the books on your shelf?
Here is my confession: I am a book hog and a sponge – any book that I can get my hand on I read – almost absorbs it. So my arsenal goes from true crime to religion to romance to history.
So, I wonder what my legacy would be and how the future would perceive me if looking at my kobo and my book shelf?
To be continued
01 Feb 2014 Leave a comment
A week ago, I was out exploring with a friend in the Porcupine Mall (Porcupine,Ontario) and I discovered the greatest little store.
I felt compelled to enter this store and when I entered the greatest sense of peace came over me. I felt at home and at one with the Divine.
Harmony House Religious Book Store is filled with Christian books, music and inspirational and Divinity merchandise. The staff are the friendliest, most positive and sweetest people I have ever encountered.l
18 Jan 2014 4 Comments
While I was sitting here looking out my window on this cold winter day with a temperature of – 22 degrees Celsius and pondering what I should use for blog topics and ideas, I am all of a sudden compelled (more like Divinely pushed) to talk about my journey through mental health and depression. Something whispers in my ear saying that sharing my story will help people feel less alone and may help someone.
I am not quiet sure where to begin and how to tell the story best but I have an idea that I wanted to run by everyone before I set out with my action plan and outline for project. I always feel it best to share my ideas and brainstorm with others to help get a collective opinion about projects, since my audience opinions are what is the best feedback for completed plans. I hold everyone’s opinion and feedback to the highest regard since often I am told that I am my own worst critic.
My objective for my idea is simply just to express in my own words the struggle of depression, describe and share what the darkest days felt like and how I survived and came out stronger. My hopes are simply that I can help someone suffering feel less alone and more understood, as well as help remove the stigma associated with mental health issues.
I will begin by saying that I had been searching and brainstorming for ideas for the last month or so, especially after I survived the latest rock bottom of depression (one which was worst than the others) and came back a bit stronger and having a new found connection to God and the Divine. I know in my heart, that I would not have made it through the last attack of depression alone without having Him carry me along and keep me safe while I struggled to climb my way back onto solid ground. I also must express how truly strong, amazing and loving my family was during these episodes and struggles as they were also a huge source of support for me.
My idea came in really clearly to me one night just as I was to fall asleep and it has stuck with me through all the brain storming I have done the last month just waiting for me to realize I had the right idea all along. The questions I kept replaying in my mind were “How is the best way to share my story?” and “What is the one way people can relate to others on a personal level?” How do I make this story realistic and effective in reaching out to others?”
I guess that I have left you all pondering what the idea is and left you in suspense long enough. The idea that spoke to me with the greatest intensity was to use the medium of a diary. I had kept a diary when I first got diagnosed and have been writing in one throughout the last couple of years.
I was thinking of either creating a new blog just specifically for that purpose or adding it to this blog.
So here is the question that I pose to you, my audience to ponder: “Should I Devote A New Blog to It?” or “add to this blog?” and what do you think of my idea. Please feel free to comment and leave feedback.
Thank you everyone
16 Jan 2014 2 Comments
Hi, everyone I am sorry for the absence and not keeping my blog up to date. I have had a brief health crisis and needed to recover, plus the demon of depression has revisited me and I hit hard and fast and it was a struggle and a journey. I am getting much better and every day I am growing stronger and healthier and I have released all negativity and negative aspects into my life.
I have been inspired to re-connect with God and my faith and have started attending church, joined Catholic Woman’s League and to start volunteering at different organizations. I am also working on trying to expand my business and clientele list as well as find other employment part time.
I had actually lost my password and I finally figured out the password after many attempts. Memo to self: write it down LOL!!